Since I was a little girl I have loved the pool. Into my adult years I loved riding my bike to a pool in the evening and swimming laps. When I took swimming lessons I ran through the levels so quickly that I was at full lifeguard training by the time I was 11 and I had to stop because I couldn't take the next class until I was 16. At this point in my life I thought I wanted to be a lifeguard, but by the time I had hit my late teens a lot of things had happened. Many of the dreams of my childhood took a backseat until recently, as I navigate my 30s I realize deeper that the core of the things I loved as a child are deeply implanted in my mind and I still love them. Much of the emptiness I feel in adulthood seems to circle around times where I abandon this deep root of where I came from and what I love from then.
I live in a deeply landlocked city where rivers have been my only outdoor swimming source. I love all water but because I grew up here it seems the icy cold un-swimmable glacier lakes bring deep comfort and the flowing river is my most relaxed and enjoyable water. But the pool, the pool is a place I have always felt at home, where ever i have lived i have found one and made it my place to go. But when I moved to my current location 5 years ago the pool down here closed for 1 year to do renovations, right after we moved here. So i lived here for 5 years and didn't ever go, i don't really know why that first year left me unattached to that pool, but weirder was I just stopped going swimming all together. I keep telling myself that I am a swimmer but yeah, I have gone barely at all for 5 years. I mean I have gone for a float in the river, played in wave pools, swam in the ocean, floated lazy rivers...but swimming laps? Nope, didnt do that at all.
5 whole years.
Its funny how getting older makes that seem like a smaller about of time, like teen me could have never imagined not really swimming for 5 years. That was like a third of my life back then. But thats the weird thing about getting older, time is different. And its very easy to let it pass and not realize how long its been. But it keeps popping up, why has it been so long? Why am I not going?
Im not sure at all, the past 5 years have been weird and although I live in a nice neighborhood I just dont deeply jive with it, also I have been working a job I dont like for all that time. Another thing, we have been dealing with infertility and somehow that has been life encompassing in some ways.
Last night I finally went swimming. As soon as I was in the pool I remembered, swimming is where its at. My body remembers how to do it, I am still strong. I dont have the cardio I need to really kick it into high gear but I will get there.
Swimming is a great activity enjoyed by all athletic abilities and all ages.
Its cheap, its doable by almost all, it requires very little gear and to me its so relaxing, even when I am working hard doing laps-that little bit of help to defy gravity is a great counter balance to all the fighting gravity that I do at the climb gym.
I tell ya as well, if you want to just feel comfy with your own body, a pool change room in the morning with all the old ladies buck naked and not given a shit at all, that will help you.
So I think its time I just try and learn to love the pool by my house, its only 2 blocks away. I will visit a few times on different days and different times and see when is the best time to go. Im sure its going to be great there.
Maybe if I buy a new bathing suit that will help.......yep. I think so :)
there are facts and then there are emotions. This is as honest as I can be about my struggles and triumphs.