Auto Belay success, and then total avoidance

 in reference to my last post: jumping-from-the-wall-and-other-silly-challenges.html I have had some real success!
I spent a couple sessions with my brother jumping from the wall until I was able to climb just above the boulder line and let go on the autobelay. 
After that success my monthly pass expired and I didn't go back for a month. 
Why? 
Well its part of what I am battling, which is that I am able to overcome something scary and instead of not seeing it as scary anymore- I see it as a completed task and then avoid. 
What used to be a fairly sub-conscious thing is now more in my fore-brain but it still got me on this one. I was able to gather a few circumstances together to ignore the fact that I hadn't been climbing in weeks.
It got to the point that the day my husband scheduled us to climb again I had a mild panic attack and almost cried on the way to the gym.
Even insecurity I felt before I went climbing my first time came back with a vengeance! What if I couldn't do anything? What if I couldn't let go on the auto belay? what if people laughed at me? What if everyone stared and I just failed.....

Im not sure yet how to stop this from happening, or if I ever can. But I am truly grateful I have people in my life that are patient with this and continue to just sit through my temper tantrums and hold my hand while they drag me where they know I want to go. 

So we got there and surprise, I could do it, nobody laughed at me, I did let go of the wall, I tried something hard and felt pretty cool. 
I know this will be something I battle for some time but I truly believe that exposure therapy and continuing to build positive influence and a strong team and I can get better and better!
Now feeling back in it I am grateful to my husband for getting me back there and for setting a time that we will go every week to get back in the swing of it.